This is a response to Reality Doug’s article: Stop Building Cathedrals.
For those who are curious, this is part of a conversation about what modern men are to do. Aurini’s work, found here. My response. His response, which I shall discuss here, towards the end. The meat of the article will be my reaction to the Stop Building Cathedrals.
There’s a lot in there I understand, whether I agree with it or not. My response can be summed up with: I am the Priest, but I have been shirking my duties.
MK is postmodern because he wants the steak without the blood. He wants upper masculinity without the lower masculinity that evolved first. He wants to preserve his faith as deposited in him by human others.
And he’s partially right. I recognize that I want a proper relationship with a woman, yet I do not want to deal with ugliness that comes along with it. I don’t want to have to fight for leadership, or deal with shit tests or any number of other things people in relationships do deal with. I don’t want to fight, because I’m afraid that stripped down to my lower masculinity, I won’t like what I find. And if it’s let out, will it go back in?
Lower Masculinity, by which I am interpreting as ideas like instinct, violence, sex, hope and desire, is something I am divorced from since childbirth. I am unable (as of writing) to enjoy meaningless sex, not because it is a sin, but because, to use the same metaphor, there is blood in the steak. Because I didn’t want to have sex with a slut, but with a devoted virgin. In that, an ideal was destroyed. (Good or bad?) But this is basic. Lets talk about faith.
Faith is something I understand. While the trappings of church and other Christians elude me, I am able to navigate what I consider faith. This isn’t the blind faith of an unseeing man. I am a doubting Thomas who has seen, heard and read of enough proof that there is a jealous, benevolent God, that is, Jehovah/Yahweh etc. I know that many of the gods of others, such as Allah (Islam) Krishna (Hindi) and so on are false. Their divines are weak, demons more than likely. Back to Christianity.
There is that famous verse: Teach up a child… And in that, there is some brainwashing. But that brainwashing was part of the foundation for my, and I presume, your civilization for an age. The only reason you and others complain or call it out in your manner, is because civilization no longer rewards that behavior. I would never have the problems I have in other ages. I would have other problems, like being a medieval peasant, land wars with the Campbell family in old Scotland or doing my damnedest not to starve in a potato famine. The difference of the three is that they don’t challenge what I believe. There is no reason to doubt God if there is no evolution and that saint’s relic just healed that dude.
The problem now is that I have the tools and ability to reason beyond where am I going to find a potato, I’m thinking about my greater purpose in society. I was raised to be a cog, I’ve known that for a long time. I want to be a cog, but not in this machine. There is no grease for a cog like me, unless you count used thirty year old sluts with mixed race kids who are certainly not mine, grease.
And it has nothing to do with my absolute faith in God. I’m a burnt out churchian. I literally just got off the phone with my dad who questioned my faith because I didn’t go to church today. It’s part of the reason I’m having problems participating in Churchian society. He wants me to be a cog in his machine, that HE profited from.
Part of the problem is that, as Reality Doug says, I am looking for a priest. I don’t want to begin the part of the journey I have to walk alone unguided. I left small groups (the bridges unburnt) and other organizations, in part because that’s how I deal with separation (begin a head of time) and because it seemed the proper way to begin the next step. Perhaps I looked to the likes of Aurini, Vox Day and others of the Manosphere for guidance, when I need to just figure it out myself. When I go to publish my novella, it’ll be Castalita House through Vox Day. When I want to think about deeper things, I’ll read Aurini. But when I divine the truth, it’ll be the Millenial King.
But as I desire to be a cog, I had forgotten I am my own priest. In my mind, the greatest non-metaphysical separation of true Protestant vs. true Catholic is the need for an altar. The Catholics need altars and priests to confess to to get close to God. As a Protestant, I need no such thing. I am my own priest.
I come to God directly. I may be a student of the things Aurini is himself a student of, but I should not be a student of Aurini. And maybe that was causing me some grief at a lower level. I was replacing what I needed to do myself with things that others said. I think Aurini being an atheist yet knowing Christianity as he does is odd, but I am a Christian. He’s still worth listening to, though. And looking to him for answers was wrong of me. I have to seek those answers out. The eternal, as Reality Doug describes what I would call God, has given me the tools to become wise. But that’s all I can talk about it in this context. I just need to start doing it.
I am becoming a new Barbarian. I’ve got to learn to be comfortable with that. Stop fighting the culture, and, as Jack Donovan said, find others like myself. Maybe time will have me visit with various members of the manosphere, to talk about things, to share and share alike what we know. That’s what men do. And we will become wiser for it.
I am reminded of the books of the Redwall series by Brian Jacques. The evil barbarian rat and stoat warlords always had some sort of seer to divine the future and assist with guiding the tribe of marauders.
Now to bring this to what my blog is named . A king is an intercessor for his people. While the Bible may or may not directly say it’s that, the actions of the holy kings of Israel, as well as Jesus himself, said as much. I need to learn to ‘intercess’ for myself and others. As well as to learn the true balance that a priest may straddle. As a priest king, I am not more responsible for the souls of those I care about than they are, but I should pray for them none-the-less. I should find that wisdom particular to priests, as I’ll need it. And then the backbone to not be intimidated by whatever.
We might be a by-product of the Eternal, but the Eternal is knowable. By mastering this knowledge, we understand the deeper meaning of ourselves. The Dark Enlightenment has the same message as Christianity, that man is not good, but differs then, in salvation. Reason or Christ? I have both. And for the Christian, that is the best answer.
From Aurini’s Enjoy the decline article, the last statement I’ll make today. Truly enjoying the decline isn’t nihilism. It’s becoming what you can be OVER what society says you should be. And enjoying the journey. It’s a damn good answer.
“Enjoy the Decline” is not a screed of pessimism – but of Hope. Hope in the satisfactory, hope in the self, hope in the overcoming – the pragmatism to recognize the limitations of the self, and the age in which one lives, seeking the eternal in all that we do upon this Earth.