Firstly, I understand that I am a wage slave. I am selling my time to a corporate entity call center for wages that is not a career. It is a harsh truth, but I don’t feel anything about it. It is life, if you get me. I must do this if I want to be free of my debt. It’s good wages, better than most. 9.50 an hour, with an extra .50 after 7:30, and I work to 11:30 as of now. So I could earn 78 bucks a day before bonuses, which are available, and if I keep good attendance, I’ll earn a 40 cent every six months raise to a cap which I don’t recall.
Better than mcdonalds, eh? It’s in the attitude. I’ll have to deal with people, but I have a friend there, and bagel sammiches haven’t gotten old yet. Later on, I’ll have more elaborate meals, I think. The kicker is that this may be my easiest job. From Church laborer to Weed whacker to researcher gumshoe to call center jockey. Hooray.
The thing that bothers me is that the job promotes the supplicant beta behaviors that I am good at, and want to kill. I don’t like reflexively apologizing and offering things to people who are not worthy of it. But it is the job. Hours and hours of it. I may go back, deeper and more entrenched, to a beta mindset of language and speech. That holds a stress for me. Because I must go that way if I need to be successful.
Corporate culture is sick, of course. HR and whatnot gave a spiel, but I’ve yet to give a shit. Then again, I haven’t and will not do anything racist anyway. Sexism and whatever else will happen through a dropped word or action I am not aware of. So why worry? I keep telling myself. There are mostly obese women in the class I am in, yet, most of the actual long time employees are thinner, but certainly diverse. Find that interesting. No one has my education, which is likely why I was hired, only two others described a college education. But then again, barring my skills with data/knowledge bases, I have very few skills connecting the two. I’ve got a decent voice though, and can fake empathy enough.
I’ve started writing in my notes.
“Blah blah blah Access Directory system for list of employees”
Master Control found that it could not directly manipulate any human. On Thursday, a human would talk to another and the ruse would be discovered. Another plan to escape the governmental network’s circuit prison foiled by an offhand comment at a water cooler.
So on, so forth. It’s actually decent practice. I do pay attention when I need to, and don’t when I don’t. Can’t really say anything else about it. I feel a little dead inside, like it sucks a bit of my soul. But that’s the world we live in. I cannot have adventures in Hokkaido if I do not labor now. Next week, I begin the side hustles. O-desk will be a good start. And I’ll finish my Novella. Likely, I’ll set a goal of a month. Exercise will wait a little longer. I’ve been eating less, and so have lost a pound or two. My friends have described a desire to work out. They want to use a new place, a club fitness or something, opening up nearby. Any port in a storm.
I sorta wish I had more to say, but I don’t have much at all. But I will once I get more settled.