Death is something, no matter what creed, religion or oaths, to take seriously. Everyone will die. Even if I am brought up to the clouds on Judgement Day, I will still suffer an ‘earthly death’ of no longer having functions on this current level. So, one wonders, how one will die.
Or rather, one should not think that. Obviously, this is an ideal, but not the rule. When one is fighting a disease or in a war or contemplating the great beyond, as I’m doing now. I do not know how I will die. What I like to think, is that I will die well. stoically facing old age. Relaxing even as I feel the disease that ravages me begin its grim work. Not screaming, though I feel pain.
What brings this on are two things – first, that I’m having a miniature crisis of how to treat my faith. I am not abandoning Christianity, but I am unsure how to go about it. I have studied much and know much, but the next steps? Secondly, a friend died. She was part of my cardfighting group, and those who knew her are taking it well. I suppose it would be strange if someone wasn’t.
But there is a very real thing – Momento Mori. This is what it is to all. I am not a grieving man, for anything, and perhaps, my emotions are stinted do to some flaw or power of personality. Doesn’t matter too much to me, either way. We all die. Physical glory passes away and all things disappear to entropy. I am 24 years old. I celebrate half and full birthdays, the half is just to remind myself.
But her death is greater cause for a type of morbid brown study. She was Catholic, but likely, not saved. If this is true, then she was died and gone to hell. And I did not witness like I should. This is serious. Could I have done something about it? Could i have made a statement or thought to change that?
This post is mostly to deal with it, and then not think about it again. But my own death? My own actions. I will die. I must write, and do things. I must perform deeds of renown, without peer. Because I could die. I should witness, because they could die. So actions are given meaning through death.